like any other teenager, I have this problems that are not connected to my marriage life cause am way too young to be a wife and I am SERIOUSLY SINGLE.
I am about to have one of those sessions of talking to myself and this time, my problems are weighing dowmn on me I find myself switching accents.
I do one quick British accent aloud forgetting am not alone in the room, my lil cousin Jay, he’s there, gazing lost in his phone. “Nicole umeniongelesaha?”
“Nicole, you talking to me?”
Today is one of those days which I’mma not let anything get me down…honestly, I started typing around 6.40 p.m…It’s now 7.30 .
Let’s be honest, I just wanna ask ya’ll one question today,
ARE YOU HAPPY WIYH YOURSELF?
I haven’t been the happiest person lately but I do try and make other people’s lives worth some few minutes. Maybe a phone call here and there, just a text message asking if they holding up OK, maybe a heart emoji get’s some on their feet. Not that I got nothing better to do, I have a lot of things, 2 screen plays hanging, unfinished designs due to lack of nuff’ energy, am making bow ties now, currently, I make 6 everyday, I have books to read, I have myself too to worry about, literally trying to live every single moment, this world ain’t ours
Maybe , maybe not, you are satisfied with yours ,right? right…? now, It’s better than were you used to be, good love life, great job, happy family, new projects, new followers, good traffic maybe, but are you being honest with yourself?
To me, you create your own happiness, you choose whether you want to be happy or not, maybe it’s the crowd your hanging with , maybe it’s even your own folks, but whatever happens, be honest with yourself, cut some ties if they don’t work anymore, maybe your both thinking the same thing, I mean, who knows?
Sometimes you really convince yourself that you love someone, that they’re your everything. Suddenly, they do something then in the moment your fantasy of them falls apart and all the love you fell goes down in smoke with it and finally you see them for what they really are.
Hey guys, sorry, been having a lot of struggles but I’ll try to post, thanks all for the love.
Don’t forget to appreciate the ones you love when they are around, because someday you can lose an opportunity to do it, trust me, I know. Every moment spent with someone you love is the most amazing moment of your life. You know you really love someone when you can’t say why. Always find time to tell your beloved ones, how much you love and appreciate them, don‘t wait till it is too late. Cause when they are gone, they won‘t hear you, no matter how loud you will shout.
Buuut, keep this in mind too… when it doesn’t end well,
Don’t be sad, baby! We will get through this together. Time heals everything, and you will not be even thinking about it in a year. There’s more to you than loving somebody who doesn’t even deserve it.
I was being called… That’s the last time I was before my under prepared journey to my Land…Somewhere in Africa. I didn’t know how to tell my looooooovely, awesome , great ,loving dad that I couldn’t get home by Friday, also I needed a break from this environment, we all need a change of that sometimes , right?
Then a thought hit me, I was going to miss the WiFi though, we don’t have that in my place, to make it even worse, I don’t have a phone that I can call mine,I was going to my native land , completely get lost in the woods,
Ooooooh… NOT FORGETTING HOW I’M GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS NIGHT OF TRYING TO COLLECT THE BITS OF MOTHER TONGUE I’VE LEARNT SO FAR.
I sigh… far from the City life am used to, with literally no way of keeping my social life alive. But yes, my aunt had summoned me.
She finishes talking just as I finish singing a song in my head, Elastic heart by Sia, but a cover version I love. Of course am not singing out loud, but shacks it hits me late… I didn’t get a word of what she says, so I decide to stand there and sing believer by imagine Dragons…
It’s just a way to get her to repeat herself cause to me, it’d be sooo disrespectful to make her say the same thing twice and I was looking straight into her her eyes when she said whatever I didn’t pay attention to the first time.
“Nicole, nimesema upikie baby uji ya usiku”
Translation…
{Nicole, I’ve said make the baby some porridge for the night}
Honestly… this is the worst job I hate doing around here, it just adds to my problems, I stand there for a few seconds, I want to think of an excuse like am not feeling well but I have really tried my best for a couple of months with my attitude issues and I don’t want to start a fire now, besides, I’ll be outta this place by Tomorrow!
After breakfast, I walked around the house looking for nothing in particular but trying to hide my anger. I honestly didn’t know why I was mad but I was, and I was really losing it . I couldn’t explain what I was feeling but I knew it was pure frustration.
30 minutes later,(I really doubt if it was 30 ) but, I was sitting alone behind a tank in my compound , thinking about nothing in particular , then Nolan came telling me , my dad was on the line he wanted to talk.
To me, that was some good news cause it would take away the anger, I really love that man!
“Hey baby, you good, I really miss you”,
{Of course I reply to his greetings, am just too tired to type the whole convo… sorry though 😞😂❤}
“Grandpa says… we should all be home by Friday, I’ll be coming on Saturday”
We sure talk for some time, then comes
“OK dad, I love you too, take care and say hi to everyone”
Actually, there is no everyone… I just didn’t want the call to come to an end…He hang up before I did , Funny, I always want to be the one to hang up first during a phone call…
“Nicole! Unaitwaaaa…” {Nicole!, you being called…}
Just like that, feelings start flowing and I have drawbacks, I was OK, for the past 6 days or so. Reality starts looking like some dream , am wondering, 6 days ago I was the happiest person, with myself, my progress, my cousin (of course she’s the one and only) , dancing at 12 midnight almost everyday… (while babysitting my lil cousin).
And now, I don’t even know , if it’s me, or if it’s the real me coming back to the impostor me. I know my smiles have been genuine, I know my talks have been true, I know my clothes fit me well,
right…? I mean right?
I know I haven’t changed, but the saddest part is , I feel like am turning into someone I said I’ll never become.
This evil me is telling me to
“Stop being forgiving because people usually know what the fvck they are doing.”,
while the angel in me is saying ,
“Those who are heartless once cared too much, so you still care and you’re not heartless Nick… or are you?” .
The evil side still goes on like ,
” You’ve been left on, cheated on, lied to, mislead but you still out here trynna love?, respect yourself bro!”
As always, my angel will come to the rescue and give an opinion,
“Look at you, you used to have a special bond, with him, her, them, but now, ya’ll changed, be yourself, keep going, it’s not your fault there’s a reason for everything right?.”
The question marks at the end make me feel guilty for a while, honestly, I don’t know why.
Yes, as I was saying…
For the 100th time, my devil comes in
” A mf will have you feeling special, and dumb at the same time. Maybe you are really dumb😂😂🙄”
Maybe I am dumb, but some part of me is always damn tho 😂🤔 …
I consider the thought for a while, until my guardian comes to the rescue…
“Sometimes, I know you feel like people be doing you wrong because they know you’ll still be there, but that’s who you are…but don’t regret being good to people, cause one day, they’ll wish they still had that. And that is what makes you isn’t it?”
The battle in my head goes on for a while , for a second, I’m grunting too loud everyone around me stops what they had been focused on and throw weird glances… even the TV goes mute for a while.
Ignoring them stares… I stand up and walk to the bathroom or washroom, loo even, whatever you call it. It’s my quiet place, it’s my home of thought’s, until Nolan knocks asking ,
Sometimes…it’s not the people that change, it’s their masks that falls off, and to me, that’s a damn personal experience, trust me, they’ll never be the same again and don’t try to change nothing, instead, keep yours on because it is the real you.
The beauty of Karma is beyond any beauty I know of. It just happens, that’s the beauty, it’s not forced, it’s a natural course.
there’s nothing honorable than Loyalty, noble even. But blind loyalty, that is a stupid and dangerous thing. Be loyal with your eyes open, cause that way, you’ll know where they going and therefore, you’ll know where your going. I pray that’s the case with me and you. You and him, and her, and them.
Escrevo romance e fantasia, além de oferecer serviços editoriais como leitura crítica, consultoria em escrita criativa e diagramação de e-books. Saiba mais explorando o site ou entrando em contato!
Coco👣 
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